Underestimated feelings

To say that I am heartbroken would be an understatement. There is no way of measuring the level of disappointment I am feeling...its all so very sad. I am so let down I cant even begin to explain it. That would mean I am mad, furious, angry, raging with fury...and yet, that does not seem to be the case. As opposed to these logical feelings what I am really is sad. Stupidly and unreasonably sad.
Last night I couldn't sleep thinking about all this, it was like the hole in my heart kept me awake, as if I couldn't be absolved of the suffering. I tossed and turned a million times until I gave. I gave to sorrow, I gave to grief and the pain. I started going over his pictures and his ex girlfriend's...and them together, feeding this aching pain and punishing myself for what had happened. For being a part of their breakup and at the same time convincing myself that they were perfect together and I had no place there, nor ever really did. It had all just been a fantasy, a dream, and I was the rebound girl once more. "Look at her" I thoughtAs I walked across the room listening to Adele's "Someone Like You" song, these thoughts crushed me to the floor crying like a little girl. Next to me was the laundry basket where I knew I had threw in the very bottom the T-shirts he had left for me, I pulled one out and held it against my chest while I sobbed. I sobbed and held that shirt as if I had lost a child, the tears wouldn't stop coming as Adele's words reverberated in my head:

"Never mind I'll find someone like you, 
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you saidSometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"

I cried myself to sleep that night, still holding his T-shirt tight, pretending he was next to me and telling me everything would be alright  

Overnight gets you thinking...

(and 1 year later...Welcome Back to me..!)


About 4 months ago something happened. A break point in my life, a before-and-after kind of thing, an awakening, an acknowledgment o self, personal growth and... ok!! stop it with the dramatic literature prologue and just cut to the chase! Jesus... So, something amazing happened (with someone, of course, what else would I blog about..?) but it also led to simply a sad conclusion. I lost the belief in love, in forever after and honest men. This beautiful encounter made me feel blushed and special, but at the same time disappointed. Trust and faithfulness is not something we see everyday. In fact, as days go by, the cheatings and deceits between couples just grow bigger and wider around the world. There is a saying in Spanish that goes: "De la muerte y los cuernos nadie se salva" (I don't like translating sayings, it makes no sense) But basically it says that no one can escape death or to be cheated on in life. And this is such an unfortunate truth. So how am I supposed to believe in true love and in forevers?? I had two examples of people close to me that I felt like they were the exception, the hope, the light at the end of the tunnel, that thing that made me believe, that little inner voice that said "but maybe..." (you are going on again....). I felt I could (here goes another Spanish saying) "put my hands in fire for them". That was how blindly I trusted their honesty and true love to their corresponding couples. One of them is still standing, the other one....not so much. So if any of my rumbling makes any kind of sense at this point (it IS 4:53 am...) what I mean is that the light is dimmering out. Furthermore, today I came to notice something else, my trust in men has significantly decreased. This is quite alarming and very uncomfortable. I have never been that kind of woman who is constantly mistrusting and suspicious about everything. I used to be very relaxed in that sense. But this new feeling is quite annoying and again, simply uncomfortable and even stressful. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TEXTING AT 5 AM AND WHY ARE YOU ONLINE AFTER YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO SLEEP AND ADDITIONALLY NOT REPLYING MY TEXTS??? HUGH??? Ups..! The inner girlie in me :/


So yeah...these are my overnight thoughts... Is trust regainable? How can you trust someone who cheated with you? Is forever a real thing? Do I even want that? How do you prevent boredom and dullness from happening? WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY GIRL FRIENDS??? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO NICE AND CHARMING WITH ALL OF THEM??? Oh...sorry...she burst up again...my bad..(shush!! get back in there you!)

"BASTA"

Cómo puede haber tanta maldad?? Como podes hacer tanto daño? Y adrede con el 100% de la conciencia...Por qué? ? Por qué tanta maldad?
Cuando deja de doler? Debe haner un límite.  Será que querras saber hasta cuándo?  Cuan lejos pueda llegar? Cuanto pueda aguantar?  Cuanto me deje pisotear?  Será eso?
Es una montaña rusa. Te adoro.alejate. te extraño. No te puedo dejar. No podemos estar juntos. Sos especial para mí. BASTA. Uf....ese dolió
El esfuerzo sobrenatural que hago yo para entenderte e intentar seguir tu curso, no tiene descripcion. No quiero una medalla, solamente lo mismo del otro lado.
Pero ya esta. El papel de imbecil que hice, la actitud de trapo de piso...nunca mas. Se termino aca. Reconozco que la falta de respeto la tuve yo primero hacia mi misma, pero no te quedaste atras. No merecia esa maldad. Es algo que yo nunca hubiese hecho. No quiero terminar mal, por eso no voy a discutir, porque en mi balanza es mas importante que estemos bien y haya paz entre nosotros. Porque mas alla de todo te quiero y adoro con todo mi corazon y toda mi alma, fuiste y sos mas que especial para mi y vivimos juntos muchisimo. Senti cosas que jamas crei que volveria a sentir, y otras que no habia vivido nunca. Pero tambien llore como nunca, sufri y senti dolor como nunca habia sentido, e hice cosas y reaccione de maneras que jamas crei posibles, que no son propias de mi persona. Pero supongo que es como dicen, por amor se hacen locuras.
Pero el limite iba a llegar algun dia, y hasta aca llegue yo. Asique digo basta. No cierro puertas, porque soy honesta conmigo y se que no puedo hacerlo, no tengo la bola de cristal ni se lo que deparara el futuro. Una parte de mi le gustaria que las cosas cambien y que haya un futuro para vos y yo, la posibilidad de un nosotros, la chance que nunca nos diste. Pero hoy no. Ya es suficiente por ahora. Te amo, pero Basta.

Her phantom

Not a day goes by that I don't think that I broke something. Every day she pops in my mind, I cant stop thinking about it and it drives me mad. I think about her grief, i think about her hate towards me, I think about the pain I must have caused her and I think about what they had together.
I know that their relationship had changed long before I came into the picture, but still...Its like this phantom that hunts me every day. I picture how they must have been together, how it all begun, how much in love they were. I get flashes of the pictures I've seen. Its not cool, sick and not cool at all. 

Ommm....

Pero la pucha! si serás tarado......no tenés paz hermano!! Te das cuenta????? Ahora me pusiste de mal humor a mi... No te decidís, que si te estoy encima porque te ahogo y si no te escribí en 1 día te ofuscás y ofendés....quién te entiende??????? Estaba en paz y armonía yo hasta recién. Obvio que pienso en vos todo el tiempo... TODO el tiempo. Pero no tuve la necesidad de mandarte un mensaje, porque no había mucho para decir, sabía que no podía hacer nada ese día y además te quería dar tu espacio.. Y después la caprichosa soy yo...actuas como un nene de 10 años!!!!!!!!!!!! OH GOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDD!!!!..

Y le puse toda la onda igual...TODA...MAAAAAL! Creo que nunca mandé tantos mensajes y emoticones, y ni siquiera sabía qué era lo que estaba remando, pero si hacía que cambiaras el humor, era worth it...pero no...naaadaa! Ahora me asaste la bronca a mí!! Y lo peor de todo es que seguro no voy a poder dormir...diossssssss...!!!

Todo por que no te escribì durante un dìa...Bah...asumo que es por eso que te molestaste...

Vivo, pienso, luego escribo

Me siento medida. Todo el tiempo analizada y comparada. No me gustan las balanzas y vos insistin con ponerme en una. Observas, experimentas, anotas, haces cuentas y formulas. 3 tazas de logica en grano, 2 algoritmos con cascara y una pisca de sentimiento. Batir con intensidad hasta que la mezcla se amalgame bien, colocar en molde enmantecado y cocinar en horno a 180 C hasta dorar. Formulas, creas, pensas y mientrastanto yo miro y aguardo con la misma expresion que un niño tiene al mirar a sus padres mientras deciden dejarlo ir a jugar. La ansiedad y expectativa de una quinceañera al esperar saber si ira o no a la fiesta. Aguardo el veredicto, el resultado y la conclusion. Salio bien? Am I good enough??
En cierto punto estoy enojada con vos. Por muchas cosas. Por haber arruinado algo que era tan especial, por juzgarme y compararme, y mas que nada, por hacerme sentir mal de mi misma. De mi persona. Por subestimarme y achicarme. I am great, i am amazing, dont you ever, ever doubt that for a second. I am so much more than youll ever desserve. Bare that in mind
Lucho con mis emociones y me mareo con las percepciones que voy teniendo de vos. Confie y no se si debi hacerlo. There are things you now know about me that im not sure I should have trusted you with. And the worse thing is I know youll dissapoint me all the more. Te confie con mi mas grande fantasma y en realidad no te lo mereces. Porque vos no me mereces a mi. O por lo menos no ahora, y no de la forma que me trataste. Todavia no se si me arrepiento de habertelo contado, creo que no. Pero igual sabe que no mereces saberlo.
Todavia no puedo creer que me hayas puesto en una fila con servilletas, plato, taza y vaso. Cual era yo??? La cucharita?? La taza??? Ninguna de tus expresiones para con la vajilla me convencio. Que falta de respeto. No te das cuenta, no te das cuenta de lo increible que soy. Pero si no lo ves vos....yo no te lo puedo contar, you should know that yourself by now.
Lo que mas me duele es saber que si te digo estas cosas te vas a ir. Si me enojo, si quiero que se termine, ni vas a intentar lo contrario. Ni un minimo de esfuerzo para quedarte, para convencerme. Yo necesito alguien que se quiera quedar y que le importe mas que su orgullo. A vos no 

la furia de la ternura

Medio boluda??? MEDIO BOLUDA?!?!?!?! Disculpame, pero porque no te vas un poquito a la re concha de tu hermana!! Quien carajo te pensas que sos??????
Qué decepcion!!! Te creía distinto, más inteligente, menos superficial. Se ve que me equivoqué. Pero me juzgas. Al igual que cuando a penas me conociste. Que triste

Pocas cosas me molestan tanto, una es que me subestimen y me traten de tonta. Tengo mucha bronca en este momento, no sos como creí que eras

Restaste

atasco e indecisión

Por momentos pienso que yo soy lo transitorio en tu vida. Ese gancho que te ayudó a sacar el clavo, pero no va a cumplir la función del famoso "otro clavo". Sólo un gancho
Hoy me dijiste que padezco la relación que tenemos. Cuanta razon tenes. Vivo triste y con dolor, aunque por momentos sonrío y me siento contenta de estar con vos, contenta de tenerte. Y despuès recuerdo que en realidad no te tengo. Nada de vos es para mí. Solo algunos momentos pasajeros.
Qué dificil es seguirte el tren...me abrazas y sentís que me amas, que me vas a decir Te Amo. Pero después se te va. What is that??
Me pregunto cómo llegué a este punto? Recuerdo cuando vos hablabas de amor y de noviazgo y yo pensaba OMG esto se está yendo de las manos, too much too soon. Con toda la sinceridad del mundo, no me sentía así, igual que vos. Quería, pero simplemente no estaba ahí. Y vos, 20 pasos más adelante que yo y 7 escalones más arriba. Y ahora? Ahora que llegué, ahora que te alcancé, ahora que estabamos por estar en la misma página...retrocediste. Pasaste de estoy enamorado de vos y te tendría como novia sin pensarlo, a te adoro pero siento que tengo que mandarme mil cagadas más y tocar fondo, para darme cuenta que me estoy equivocando. Lo peor de todo es que lo entiendo, lo recontra entiendo. Porque soy igual y me ha sucedido, estuve en una posición muy similar y sé bien lo que es. Pero no deja de ser injusto para mí. Y no digas que no. Porque sí lo es. No necesito ponerle un titulo a la relación ni a la pareja. Me gustás mucho y te quiero un montón, sé que es recíproco, entonces no tengo las ganas ni necesidad de estar con otra persona
Entonces qué debo hacer? Dejarte ser? Y seguir yo también mi camino de soltera pero sin dejarnos? Cómo se empieza luego una relación a partir de semejantes escombros? Solo sé que en casa mirando el techo y pensando qué debés de estar haciendo (o a quién) no me pienso quedar. Entonces la descontrolamos los dos? Y después entre nosotros está todo bien? No lo creo... Pero no hay más opciones. Es eso o un fín.Pero lo evito, evito el fin porque la sola idea me genera dolor y tristeza. Tener que verte todo el tiempo de lejos y tratarnos solo en lo laboral, enterarme indefectiblemente por 3ros de vos, lo que hacés y lo que no...imposible de superarte jamás.
Hoy no hay conclusión. Sólo sé que en cierta manera me enamoré de vos, me gusta verte, me gusta cuando estamos juntos, cuando me abrazás y me acariciás, cuando me besás y me mirás, cuando estamos solos cuando estamos con amigos, cuando vamos a comer, cuando nos quedamos en casa, cuando vamos al cine, cuando salimos de noche o simplemente cuando vamos a pasear y sentarnos en la plaza. Me gusta compartir, sea lo que sea, donde sea y con quien sea mientras estemos vos y yo

No puedo creer, después de todo lo que nos costó y todo lo que pusimos en juego para poder estar juntos, que lo arruines de esta forma. Lo más triste es que tanto te quiero y tantas ganas tengo de estar con vos, que busqué la manera de ver que "cometiste un error" y que se podría hablar. Acaso fui ilusa al pensar que me pedirías perdón? Para mi gran sorpresa no sólo no había ninguna disculpa sino que te enojaste conmigo. Vos! Conmigo! y porqué?? Por qué Dios me pregunto yo... Por haber reaccionado? Es por eso? Creo que dentro de todas tuve la mejor reacción. Pero no podés pretender que me entre semejante información por un oído y me salga por el otro. No pude esconder ni evitar mi cara de sorpresa, te tengo que pedir perdón por eso??
Que injusto! No podés tener el tupé de hacerte el enojado y menos de tratarme así de mal! Tu comportamiento psicópata y bipolar es indescriptible. Y pensar que me lograste engañar. Yo tenía la duda, la sospecha de que me lastimarías de que me tratarías mal y me harías sufrir. Enseguida me sacaste la ficha y te diste cuenta que te estaba comparando con mi relación pasada. Y la sinceridad con la que me dijiste que eso no era así, que eras un amor...te creí. Qué boluda, te creí! Tengo fija en mi mente tu cara tu voz..."mirá, me sacudís y sale dulce de leche :)" Right...
Así y todo te sigo queriendo. Sí, así de idiota soy. No puedo borrar esos recuerdos, tus miradas, tus caricias, tus palabras...
Hoy sólo pude pensar que quisiera que me pidas perdón, porque quiero perdonarte. Cómo?! Cómo puede ser una cosa semejante?? Debería odiarte! Pero no puedo...
Si supieras el dolor que me estás causando. Perdón, me corrijo, lo sabés. Eso es lo peor de todo, que lo sabés y persistís. No te importa. Es como si te alimentaras a medida que mi tristeza aumenta. Cuánta maldad puede uno tener? No hay un límite?

Pará. Por favor, pará

pequeña crédula, cuándo aprenderás?

me dijiste "solo quiero estar con vos"
me dijiste que estábamos en una "relación de dependencia"
me dijiste "estoy enamorado de vos"
me dijiste te quiero, te adoro, y mucho
me dijiste "espero que dure"
me dijiste que yo era especial
me dijiste que formaba parte de tu vida, que había un lugar en tu corazón para mí

y te creí.

por qué? por qué Dios?? Por qué tanta maldad, tanta frialdad, tanta crueldad?!

Cuanto dolor...

estás bien?

Mmmm... que pregunta, no? Y...vamos a sincerarnos, la realidad es que no. Pero bueno, esta bien, es normal no estar bien considerando todo lo que pasó y que yo me quedo sin la torta (no habìa pan y torta acà...solo torta) Asique bueno, nada..acá ando, remandola. Pero no pasa nada, le voy a poner toda la mejor onda del mundo. Voy a tratar de estar cada día un poco mejor. No va a ser fácil, seguro, pero como todo, es un proceso. Lo ultimo que quiero es que sientan pena por mí, además eso me tiraría más abajo.. Necesito energías positivas y much fuerza, pero me mantengo positiva. Porque a la larga, yo siempre estoy bien. Siempre estoy bien y la realidad es que sigo queriendo estar sola, porque es lo que me gusta y la sensación de libertad no me la quita nadie. Esto es simplemente una experiencia más, de la cual voy a aprender, como con todas las anteriores.
Ahora tengo que hacer el mayor esfuerzo para atrapar todos esos sentimientos, uno por uno y con mucho cuidado guardarlos dentro de la cajita de cartón, sin que se escape ninguno, la cerro bien bien cerradita y la entierro en un gran gran pozo, lo más profundo que pueda, lejos de la superficie y cerca del cálido corazón de la tierra. Poco a poco comenzará a degradarse, rodeada de toda clase de pequeños insectos y finalemente se entrelazará con las raíces de los arboles. Tiñiendo a las vívidas raíces con buenas energías, cariño y sobretodo, amor. Y quizás algún día, a través de aquellas raíces, florecerá algo hermoso.

Un Paso Una Cagada...

La felicidad me duró lo que ya saben qué en un canasto... A ver, no quiero que se mal interprete, estoy super contenta por el ascenso, amo el puesto etc etc, pero esta ultima semana me siento una idiota importante. Una atrás de otra, lo mío no tiene perdón. Yo creí que iba a ser buena, que el puesto estaba hecho para mí. Y creo que ya no se trata de que yo sea muy exigente conmigo misma. Si bien sé que lo soy, me parece que ya me pasé del otro lado... una momiada todos los días...todoooss
no puede ser...tiene que haber un límite. BASTA, SE CORTA ACA!!! lo dije, lo grité bien fuerte, me lo grabé en la mente, hoy va a ser un día cagada-free...y qué pasó? la nueva me pregunta algo y la respuesta que le dí termino en una...cagada! PERO QUE PEDAZO DE IMBECILLLLLLLLLL
La respuesta era tan obvia, tan lógica! Ahora claramente soy "domi: un paso una cagada"..."mmmm...mejor a domi no le pregunto.." "y domi...que se yo...ahí va...maso...le falta prestar más atención"
y yo que querés que te dia...y...sí, es cierto
PRESTA ATENCION PELOTUDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

odio ser nueva en algo........

profunda tristeza

Siento una melancolía y angustia que no puedo comprender. Ir a la psicóloga me hizo entender que tengo tantos problemas.....aunque quién no los tiene, no?
Porque tenía que terminar así? Porqué te tenías que ir y todo tenía que quedar tan mal....no lo entiendo....Detesto no entender las cosas, porqué dejaste de hablarme, porqué actuaste cortado de un día para otro, porqué te enojaste? porqué no te dije que no cuando debía? porqué no te quisiste sacar una foto conmigo? porque me duelen estas cosas? porqué me importan, porqué me afecta?
......porque soy siempre tan descartable..?
Tantas cosas me gustaría decirte y sinembargo al despedirnos no pude pronunciar una sola palabra, me siento a escribirte y la hoja permanece blanca..
Me descepcionaste y me rehuse a que así sea. Porqué sos tan genial, tan buen amigo, tan tipaso pero conmigo no?
La verdadera pregunta es porqué te doy tanta importancia cuando vos no me la das a mi...? Ahí está mi respuesta

chongo alado...bye, bye adiós...

Y así como si nada se me va....Londres se roba mi chonguito :(
Que triste....sabés que te voy a extrañar? Siento un poco de angustia, se va una gran persona que no llegué a conocer bien, pero sé que eras de los buenos. Por otro lado me alegra mucho lo que estás viviendo, te lo mereces. Me dá lástima no haber compartido más tiempo, serías un gran amigo, lo sé
En cierta forma te quiero chonguito
Another bittersweet sensation to be added to the list

hombres.......

porque todos me buscan  cuando estan con alguien mas?? anda con tu novia sali de acaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! Dios!!.... Puede ser mas idiota el hombre?!?!
Lo unico que quiero es un chonguin. Alguien con quien me lleve bien, que podamos estar, tranca, no strings attached. Me llama, lo llamo. Lo pasamos bien, hoy si ma;ana no, no le debo nada y no me debe nada. Thats all. Es mucho pedir? Muy idealista?
lo peor es que se supon[ia que era el sueño de todo hombre, no? Ahora resulta que no...es solo el sueño de los que tienen pareja...si tenes pareja quedate con tu fucking pareja y no jodas al resto. No te gusto la eleccion?? JODETE y sino es facil, pone HUEVO y cortale, deja de mentirte y hace lo que realmente tenes ganas de hacer..como yo!
Al fin y al cabo reultaron ser mas histericos e indecisos que nosotras...el pan y la torta no se puede! cuando lo van a entender?? Los errores pasan, ok, lo entiendo..pero ya frecuentar el pais de las cagadas es otra historia..

Est[a todo bien, todo m[as que bien...de alguna forma en alg'un lugar hice un click y estoy bien. Mucho mejor. Ya no freackeo, ya no mambeo, ya no desespero ni me ahogo. Pero hay noches, noches como esta, en las que vos te vas con ella y yo me quedo aca sola....a ver....estoy bien, pero es un toque deprimente, no te parece? Es como un garroncito...no? Mas alla de que yo se que no quiero nada, no con vos ni con nadie, y no ha cosa de la que me sienta mas segura. Por fin siento 100% seguridad de algo, de un sentimiento, de un deseo, por fin se bien lo que quiero y lo que no. No es poca cosa. Pero tampoco soy robot, no? Nose...pensalo...fijate...manejate.
Debo admitir que a veces te extra♦o, ojo, bien eh, no con dolor ni agonia ni desesperacion ni llanto....pero nada...solo eso. Extrano las salidas, saber que estas ahi, el algo que hay entre nosotros, las sonrisas, las miradas complices...nada....que se yo...eso.
Igual si estas bien, me alegro...supongo

damn...i miss you
que mal que se sienteeee
debo admitir que nunca crei q simplemente con el paso del tiempo todo pasaria, nunca lo pense, sera quizas por eso que estoy como estoy...
como puede ser que te extrañe?? es ridiculo! no tiene sentido, ningun sentido...no somos nada nunca fuimos nada y nunca nunca vamos a ser nada
que paso con "me podria pisar un tren y vos ni te inmutas"? creo q es cierto..... pero me pusiste un "like" con solo eso ya se me dio vuelta el mundo, me voló como tornado, me paso por encima un ciclón y me pego cual terremoto grado 9.8 en la escala de Richter....todo por un pelotudo like...
es realmente patetico, patetiquisimo
lo peor es que no me veo saliendo de esta, lo unico que qiuero es volverte a ver..o...nose...que sea todo como antes. no necesariamente con algo entre nosotros...simplemente que estes en mi everyday y yo en el tuyo, con buena onda entre los dos
me llega.estas mal y me afecta. como estaras? mal, obvio, ya lo se...pero me da cosa...me apiado de vos, me da pena...y todos sabemos que no te lo mereces, a mi empatia, obvio. y si te escribo? should i? te mando un mensaje? nono eso es too much...ni da dsps de todo lo q paso...entonces un casual saludo en el muro...mmmm..muy careta considerando que ambos sabemos q ella sabe pero ella no sabe la verdad y hay que seguir ocultandola, entonces....ya me marie.......entonces un inbox. o acaso sera muy personal..? o inapropriate..? te caera mal que te escriba? mmm na no creo....quizas te caiga peor que ni lo haga...o probablemente ni lo pienses, ni te des cuenta y ni le des tanta importancia y vueltas como le estoy dando yo...aunque sos complicado raro y vueltero vos tambien....ademas me pusiste un "like".....jajaja que idiota hablo del like como si fuera que me dedicaste una cancion, me viniste a visitar o algo...ah! hablando de visitar, si mal no recuerdo cuando me opere me prometista una visita en el unico mensaje q me escribiste y nunca llego...ademas de que no me volviste a escribir nunca para ver como estaba.....poco y nada te importo....deberia hacer lo mismo. pero no soy asi yo, ademas la cuestion no es hacer lo mismo q hace el otro. ademas...no es lo mismo ahora que antes...hay otro tipo de relacion....vinculo o whatever
uy estoy mambeando maaaaal...cuando a vos ni te importa! jajaja que boludaa!! 

solo pido...

Que mi felicidad no dependa de ti
Que mi sonrisa no tenga tu nombre
Ni mis lagrimas tu recuerdo
Que tus ojos no me hipnotizen
Que tu perfume no me embriague..
Hoy me elijo a mi
Valgo mas, valgo tanto mas
I'm above this, I'm better than this
You can drown all you like, baby u r not taking me with you
Me, myself and I is all I need
So I choose me, I choose being domi again
I'm a good girl and I'm planning to show it, not because of you, honey, its all because of me

numb

Im stuck. Stuck and i dont even know in what...a moment? a feeling? sensation maybe?....dont know
I dont know what i feel....like crap thats for sure.
I made a mess out of things and i dont know how to fix it...every step feels like it just keeps making things worse...every single second makes me feel worse and worse....and there's no possible way out, there's no solution, no way to make it better...
I cant believe how I screwed up things so badly, how I made such bad decissions...It was fine until I knew...and from that moment on...I was no better than he is...no better than every cheater out there, every lying bastard...
this is beyond a mistake...this is not supposed to happen...messing with people's feelings...this has never been my thing, this is not me, i dont do these things....
im a good girl........im a good girl.......

back on my feet

i need to do it. this cant go on. it did for 1 week, thats enough. no more ruining my own self. no more hurting myself, no more comfort food. "love thyself". "make the change". i gotta make that change today. cuz i love it when im happy. and i dont need no one but myself for that. smile domi, smile.

i feel so lonely...maybe thats whats giving me insmonia.....yeah
yesterday i had THE weirdest dream....it evolved 2 ex's and a baby......not cool
im bored
this nothing-going-on-situation is boring me to death
today i feel unimportant
and the worse thing of all is that i know im not. i know im important. i consider myself a very good person, im loving and careing, funny and pritty, happy and passionate, cute and fairly smart. so really i dont get it. what seems to drag 'em all away? how come eeeevery one has dates?? even the idiotic ugly guy i was screwing is now happily dating, and evidently not doing me no more....
on top of that shit today i had a nice and friendly evening planned, cheese, crackers and wine with my buds from uni....oh but what do u know, they stood me up. awesome.
i guess its comfort food all over again.

el pibe, mi viejo y el cuadro

un hot fudge brownie por favor.
y ahi empezo todo.. endorfinas haciendo efecto calcinandose al sol...

un chico rubio en bicicleta pasa saludando... wiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!
Domi:boluda!!! ES HASSE!! hace años que no lo veo!
Iris: oludaaaa el dinero no tiene olor! anda a buscarlooo.. corre oludaaaa!!! anda y te pago
(domi se para con silla y todo)
Ivy: y mis papas cuando llegan?
Domi e Iris: ayyy gooorda oluda!
Iris: dale domiiii.. andaaaaaa... correloooo... es una oprtunidad unica
(Domi se vuelve a sentar)
Ivy e Iris: DALE DOMIIIIIIII.. CORREEEE. QUE NO ESCAPE. paro en el Banco Rio!!!!!
(Domi se para sale corriendo. Hasse no al tanto de la situacion sale del banco y monta su bicicleta corsel)

Ivy: Domiiii CORREEEEE!!!!!

(y Domi cruza la avenida alocadamente y para al muchacho en cuestion.... un punto verde manzana y otro punto bicicleta corsel)

MIENTRAS TANTO.... en el cuartel de la justicia:

llega Pelado Mozo Man cargando las Super papas con el Mega Honey Mustard (y la coca LIGHT).

Entra por el lateral izquierdo un sospechoso individuo con gafas osuras y la chamarra negra. nos mira, nos oye... y se acomoda en la mesa mas cercana... y si... somos sepsieees... y bellas.

Vuelve Domi. el plato de papas mitad vacio (y no x pesimistas.. sino de realista noma.. viteh??)
Iris: oludaaaaa... Hassse es odio en Aleman!!! Odio con doble D! ODDIO!!! q hace oddio, too bien?

Ivy: chicassss.. (muy disimuladamente) hacemos como siempre???nosotras: que es como siempre?Ivy: y bueno... yo pelo tarjeta y ustedes pelan billetes... easi cash mami

Y EN ALGUN BANCO DE LA CIUDAD.... Teresa paga las cuentas millonarias de American Ivy Express...

cheee... hay q dejar propina... uhh paja.. me quedo sin monedas para el bondi. cuando viajas en bondi vos?yyyyyy.. cuando voy a teclado... y a guitarra.... es piano oluda! nooooo.! no es Piano, es teclado.

Chan chanananan chanananan.... y las chicas salen corriendo de Kansas Grill SA (Me encanta los sciedades anonimas!!)

Tendra un limite esto????

Y MAS TARDE.... piropo va, piropo viene... (somos DIOSAS sepanlo) las chicas shegan al Alto Peru Bitch biaatchhhh."aca raptaron al secuestrado.no me gusta andar sin auto por aca. champañe. no me gustan estos chicos, crucemos"

Tras un vidriera zapatosa una mirada maligna cual lanza apuñalante se clava en D O M I .... chanabanaaaaa.... Oludaaaa!!! es la mejor amiga de mi esssss!!! ( que hace la gorda boluda en shan ishidrooo man?)

CAMBIA ESCENOGRAFIA: local de enfrente: jazmin chebar.... todo para chievarrr (Hueviarrrr!!)

Ponganse comodas en el local. ponganse zapatos tambien. y esperan a maru mientras discuten si irian a Te Matare Ramirez con sus respectivos novios/ salidores/ unattached y los encuentros mas pavorosos... Silvi? La Salatine Woman? La Cogorno? ooooo... tu vieja. chan chan chan channaa Aaaaahhhh


se corrediza la puerta y aparace detras de unos Anteojos Maru, y un.... H.N.I (FYI: Hombre No Identificado)

Ivy en el oido a Domi: quien este? el chico de Maru?
Domi: noooooo.. shhhhh

CAMBIA ESCENOGRAFIA: local en diagonal; bishú

Jose ( HNI) dice: señora... estas se van probar todo y no van a shevar nada.

DICHO Y HECHO

las chicas y el Hombre se van al puente de la epoca de las colonias. aca hay cocodrilos!!! Miren un Pez!!! (Jose experto maritimo y biologo acuatico comenta sabiamente: es un TIBURON nabaaaa) Ivy, bioqumica distinguidisma refuta: NO! es una raya!!

es pajaro... es un avionnn... es un helicopteroo ... noooo.. esssss... un bagre.

ah. eso es un bagre?

con razon cuando sos fea te dicen bagre.

Domi toca una roca colgante: que es eso? (eso es queso!)
Jose: es un telefono!
Iris y Domi: es de la epoca del Puente
Ivy: es colonial.
Maru: ?

LUEGOOO.... un auto con un hombre y un hombre espera a Jose.

Domi se questiona cual Juan en el libro de la salitino: quien es ese muchachio?
Jose: mi novio

(Exit Jose)

to see u with her

its nice to see u smile. i must admit it kinda kicks in the guts, i always knew it wold be like that, i even told u so a long time ago. but still, its nice
im happy for you. you have no idea how much i still care. I wont lie, I get the "what if's" feelings very often. But I know it was the best, and im glad u found love and happiness. I hope its a good thing u got going on, so make it right, dont screw it up, dont be silly

so low

sorry pero no.
muy en desacuerdo. fea la actitud
un saludo a traves de otro ni da. me lo decis vos. te vas a morir por mandar un texto???? "mandale un saludo" asi al pasar...muy choto lo tuyo, chotiiiiiisimo. Ok no somos amigos, esta todo bien, pero last time i checked las cosas MAL no terminaron. You wanted to go left and i right, it happens. I had heart surjery...heart! one shity small text wouldnt have hurt. Plus, what do u care? you moved on, and im glad, i hope ur happy, im glad ur w someone and i hope its great. Yes i admit i think about it quite often, but that has nothing to do with the fact that u didnt even bother sending a shitty text. horrible attitude

melancholy made its way in

before i start u should now that u dont disserve this. u dont desserve me talking about u, me dedicating a minute of my time thinking of u, and even less desserve a place in my blog (but then again, so many idiots have become part of it....)
im fine, im always fine, i hit raugh patches every now and then, but im always fine. but i just dont get it. i mean i do, and at the same time sometimes i dont. how insanely crazy does a person have to be??? seriously...! i have my things, i know, im not ordinary nor simple, but u my friend....oh....u are in a complete different level u have redifined crazyness...a whole new meaning!
i just really dont get it.
so many questions and still its like i cant really ask them, cant let them out there or something.
to be honest yes, i wanted to try, yes i had my doubts, yes things had changed, and yes u were not the one i thought you'd be. but still, i had to go, i had to try, we had to try
am i that disposable? that forgetable? i didnt think i was.....and no matter how idiotic or stupid a person can be i am the way i am, and i cant have one person dislike me, not even one who thinks they can dispose of me. even if the whole entire world loved me, my mind would be worried about that sole person who for some strange reason doesnt like me. talk about acceptation issues.........
i really would've tried, i wanted to. i thought it would be fun. dont really know if it would've worked out actually, but i deffinitely would have tried.
i think what we lived was amazing, the way we met was beyond crazy and romantic, and the story is just fabulous. Honestly i dont mind it being over, i mean its kind of "ohh.." but its fine. what i cant get around is the way it ended. not only i dont get it (i mean i get that u are a crazy fuck) but things just dont make sense, not at all. But then, of course things coming from a crazy fuck are bound not to make any sense at all....See, now that makes total sense. Its not that hard, u should try it some time, i mean putting sense into things. makes life a lot easier, believe me.
I think im out of things to say. For now at least.
I really wanted to go back to Russia.....oh well....

Its like ice cream

Decision making has always been a hard thing to do. Usually its harder when the matter in question is of high relevance; say traveling with some guy u met on a plane and have known only for a couple of hours, but it shouldnt be when choosing ice cream flavors....right?
Well here is the thing, it works differently for me. I made the important decision in the blink of an eye (Rome was very nice, btw) but somehow its so hard for me to choose the ice cream flavors...there are just too many and they all look so good!
So thinking and thinking I tried to figure out why is this so. And another life test was thrown at me. What path will I choose for my life and here is the trick, I have more than 2 options, its not a "yes" or "no" matter. So then is when it hit me. The options are what kill me! I am mentally disabled for choosing when I have more than 2 options, either if its ice cream or which country (and with whom) I will live in....

missisipi

along came winter

and with its cold presence

it has enlightened your apsence

not a day goes by, not a single day

but i cant say the words,

it will make something true that i dont even know it really is

so just in case

i wont say

though i know what i can say it doesnt; hurt

even though that may be the case

it sucks

i know its not the same, but it does

i chewck out the "group"....nothing there

i dont even know what im looking for?

what am i hoping to see?

what am i expecting to see?

its ridiculous

ia have no idea wjhat the hell i am trying to say, i got lost on my thoughts, wtf is this weird post?? makes no sense at all, it started well and then...argh w.e.

russia here i come....yipie..

(excitement fills the air)

fucking blog wont even publish the post

awesome.

sensitive but surprisingly strong

how come if im so perfectly fine i cant stop eating every time i find myself not-busy?

i hate holidays when i have nothing to do, but these holidays are perfect, im always busy

coming here and going there

meeting friends and family, enjoying life.

But still something seems to be wrong, obviously.

Maybe its the fact that even though im having a good time i havent yet figured out what i am going to do with mjy life. And 'am also worried about the amount of exams i owe. Am i going to live abroad? doing what? where? how?

how can someone have the power to make another person happy? this is too much..

have the power of someones happines without even asking for it. its a burdon

even worse knowing that u cant give them what will make them happy

what are we supposed to say on those cases? "im sorry"? thats it??? thats not good enough...im sorry.....how are you gonna say im sorry...what is that??? no, this isnt right.

"someone always ends up hurt" well this is not good enough for me, there must be something else...another way.

This is why im never scared, i have nothing to lose, nothing to risk. im always fine, ill always be fine.

Worse case scenario ill put on some weight maybe 4kg and get a little depressed during winter

And its not that i dont risk anything, cuz i do, a lot, and i always give so much, but somehow manage to stay "untouched", solid, complete, strong.

prueba

no puedo publicar postssssssssssss ;(

I want it bad

quiero quiero quiero quierooooo

no quiero mirar mas de lejoss quiero irr por diosssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

call me call me call meeeeeeeee

thats my life, righht there

they are living my life, stoopp, wait for meeeeeee

i really want to go

fuck

what more can i do??

wait? 'been waitin for 4 months now....4 months for fuckin' answer!!

i have to be there, i deserve to be there

no more interviews plese, im ready take meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

damn

frio

Camita, tecito, chocolates y peli. Ahhh..!
Pero falta un ingrediente
Pero quiero moldear todo, a tal punto q m canso d mi misma. Es q si lo pensamos, es extenuante y sobre cansador, lleva mucho trabajo y siempre en vano. Todo a mi manera perfectamente programado y medido cn regla. Tenes q hacer esto y dcir aquello. No es facil..para nada!
Es todo muy sonador, aninado. Te quiero a vos pero no a lo q implica. Tiene sentido? Seguro q no. Esto si pero aquello no. Q complicada q soy. Y yo q decia ser simple...chistosa.
Basicamente nose ni lo q quiero. Novio? No. Soltera y salir? Tampoco. Sola en casa? Menos. Entonces que queda??? Let's just go with the flow, maybe in my way ill recover some stars

someday we'll meet again

When the time is right, I know the day will come
When we'll both be ready
But right now it sucks, it sucks so badly
I knew better and I played along anyways..
THat was too human of me
Shame.
I hate this feeling
I don't even know what it is
I need my stars back
I feel empty and cold
Incapable of love
I eve doubt that my heart is something more than just a sticky redish muscle pumping blood to the rest of my stupid body
Shame on me

Me mysel and
That's what I need

flores, flores, muchas flores

Como me gustan! Hermosas de todos colores, q vengan de aqui que vengan de alli, como me gustan las flores. Con esos aromas, esos colores y cuanta frescura me hacen sentir en las nubes. Flores flores hermosas flores, son mi medicina, nunca paren de llegar

What great news! I was so happy for you, and in the midst of that happiness I imagined how extatic u must have been and then it hit me. Damn it I should have been there, damn it I would have loved to share that moment with you, knowing what it means to you. - would have loved to see your face when you saw it, when you first got inn... Oh well this is the way it is.

For some reason i am missing you more than often. It must be the cold...fucking winter.
But seriously now, more than that, i miss us. I wish we could rent a movie and eat some junk food at home...i wish we could go to the movies and order some pop corn, id like to just spend time together, to be able to see you, look at you. I want you to hug me...
damn you why did u have to be such a jerk, why couldnt u get off the freacking truck?? why couldnt you just enjoy with me?? share? talk!!!

if there is anyone i would want to be with, its only you
but then i remember...damn...there were just too many things missing
i cant look pass them...i just cant
damn it

que deprimente, me tengo una falta de confianza indescriptible y sin embargo no puedo parar de pensar en ello, revisando inutilmente mis mails...esperando esa llamada....como si fuera a llegar.
oh well...i have a nice life, and yet somehow its not enough

im back

yes. after quite some time, i hace suddenly decided it was a good time to come back. strangley i found the home page had changed, it seems i have disappared longer than i thought i did, even my internet explorer's history didnt recognize the blogger web page as i tipped it. thats yway too long.
much things have happened, and right now im ina a crossroad, two actually. One of which i know what i sould do. but this post is not about it...for once!
Two months ago i found myself desperate for having a job. i kept looking, sendin cv's, mails and letters, showing up for interviews and answering calls from various human resources departments, but none seemed to work out. Except for one. I finally got a job, my god was i proud of myself! what a grate feeling. My life was in place, and dont get me wrong, it still is! The job is really good, i had the end of the year party and it was lots of fun, i just couldnt help but thinking how much fun i would have next year giving that i would now everybody in the company. Everything was almost perfect. The crossroad began friday afternoon. While I was working i recieved a most gratifying call. American Airlines. Need i say more? Dont get too excited, it wasnt for the stewardess job, too bad. But still, it was for a full-time job at their call center, they offered a normal good pay (not bad not amazing) and a 3 week training in Dallas. That im excited for. Plus, lets not forget about the beneffits....oohh the beneffits, my god do i looove AA! Although i must admit aout of all the jobs in AA, this one is not quite the one i wanted, not worst though.
So now, you see my "problem" (i took the liberty of using the inverted commas (i love that word) since its not really a problem, someone who didnt have a job reads this and literally murders me. Lets not talk about murders though, a door just dramatically closed while i wrote that and im all alone on a windy night at home) Anyway, enough distractions. What shall i do..? I though maybe i could contact a witch...maybe she could tell me what to do...whats best. Although its not good to rely on them everytime we find ourselves in the necesity to choose between two things.
oh boy...i dont know, but the interview is in a couple of days...decissions have to be made, soon.

home alone again

y se fue devuelta nomas...que cosa barbara che!

para que voy a gastar memoria RAM en cosas que al dia siguiente voy a olvidar
que viva la super calculadora grafica, wiii jajaja
loved it!

el pozo negro y la llorona

y porque no puedo disfrutar el hoy?
sera posible que siempre quiera volver atras?
anhelando el pasado, nunca llego a ningun lado
uy mira, rima (ima rima jaja good times! vos!! y me salio del alma acordarme de algo q paso hace 5 anios, si, 5 anios! y digo aaa esos eran buenos tiempos. a que dentro de uno o dos anios me vy a acordar de hy en dia y vy a decir ahhh esos eran buenos tiempos. y cuando sera q2ue el buen tiempo vaya a ser hoy???? cuando sera que dejare de hinchar las pelotas y ver que hoy es genial??? hoy es fantastico todos los dias son fantasticos, porque no lo veo?????
mira pelotuda miraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
no ves q ya estas pudriendo a los de tu alrededor, ya nadie te va a bancar porq vs seguis llorando por los rincones, si llueve por que llueve si esta nublado tambieny sino porque no tengo trabajo o estoy gorda o la carrera es una mierda y el grupo no es lo de antes. y si no es todo eso, entonces porque el pais es una mierda porque no quiero vivir mas aca pero tampoco se lo que quiero hacer porque no encuentro alguien que me trate como quiero porque no te quiero dejar y a la misma vez si. pero no porque no es justo q dsps venga otra y te disfrute en tu maximo potencial gracias a los aprendizajes que te llevaste de estar conmigo y yo que soy la buena, me ligue la cagada y vos terminas aprendiendo para dsps hacer todo bien (o casi todo) con alguien que no soy yo. entonces me quedo, me quedo porq eso no seria justo y me da bronca porq es lo q pasaria, entonces espero miestras el dia nuuuuuunca llega. mientras tanto como, me aburro, lloro y me enojo. pero con vos no, jamas con vos. la ligan otros, pero vos no. y el enojo es interno, interno de mi hacia vos por no tratarme como merezco y de mi hacia mi por no hacerme tratar como merezco y por haberte dejado pasar demasiadas y por seguir haciendolo, por no hacer lo que hace mucho tiempo se deberia haber hecho.
todo eso es lo que pasa hoy.
pero ya cansa, move on flaca, ya sos insufrible, no entendes? no entendes que no podes estar asi toda la vida??? quien va aquerer estar con alguien asi?? por favor!
avanzaaaaaaaaaaaaa
youre stuck in a moment
deja de dramatizar, tenes todo, TODO
familia q t quiere, amigas q t quieren, carrera, casa, barrio lindo y todos los chiches
cual es tu problema entonces???
ahhhh te sentis inutil! aaaaahhh okok de acuerdo.....hmmmmm....ENTONCES HACETE UTIL!!
2+2=4 crei q ya lo habiamos establecido.

Dear Joy

Hi, my name is Dominique. I dont know if you remember me but we've met before. I sure do remember you. I know its been a long time, but I've been looking for you and couldnt seem to find you. I need you. So I guess my question is, where are you? Please contact me as soon as you get this note, its of primal matter.
I hope to hear from you soon, thank you very much.
Yourse sincerily,
Dominique Bousquet

OHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
A THOUSANDS TIMES FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

so much for prince charming...

Ive been stareing this blank twxt square for the past 5 minutes trying to find the right words. Analysing the situation from every possible point of view. And after all that, i just couldnt find anything to say but "so much for prince charming"
the thing with me is that i know too much. i know myself too good and i have an amazing situation-analysis skill. But the problem is that i do not act on what i know. Consequence: suffering due to impotence.
If i have the formula to the problem, why cant i solve it? Its just a matter of replacement, pure mathematics.

rollercoaster

good days, bad days
constantly on and off
i need peace
i need love
i need joy
JOY
do you even know what these words mean?
yes, i know u do.
but a couple of hours is not enough
i need a lifetime of happiness
i WANT a lifetime of happiness

esa puta costumbre

porque sieemepre tenes q arruinar todo??? porque siiempre tenes q tener esos arranques de mierda, tratarme como el orto sin q yo haya hecho nada. no entiendo porque no hablas, porque no sos claro, si queres algo no lo decis y pretendes q yo me entere por somosis y cmo naturalmente no sucede, te enojas! es absuuurdo.
la de recien no la puedo creer, la q deberia estar enojada soy yuo, q me dejaste esperandote como una imbecil con el bolsito hecho, y di no t preguntaba q pasaba q tardabas tanto, ni me avisabas q al final no venias! listo ok todo bien, yo soy de llegar tarde o lo q sea entonces no me enojo...pero tuviste el tupe de enojarte vos!! es una cargada?? donde estan las camaras???? despues de la q me tuve q bancar ayer, y me la banque como una duquesa, anda a encontrar a alguien q haga lo q hice yo ayer por vos. encima tg haces el malo y me decis, manana no nos vemos. de donde saliste?????????????????? nonono la broncxa q tngo en este momento es inaudita, jamas escribi un post asi, tan literal, tqan drirecto. no puedo creer la de recien, te juro por dios q no lo puedo creer. sos un imbecil, con todas las letras, un reberendo imbecil.
las chances se te acaban y mi paciencia se agota
deja de pelotudear.

que deprimenteeeeeeeee me quiero volver yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
pero no quiero ir de vacaciones...nono, quiero vivir alla
eso quiero
y que hago? que podria hacer???
(este es un post medio raro)
algun laburin....nose....tendria q enganchas algo desde aca...asi obtengo la visa..hmmmm
ill think about somethin', meanwhile tngo q seguir estudiando aca
a menos q alguien quiera regalarme 6 mil dolares por semestre..!

crying.....again

no quiero mas, no quiero llorar mas y hace 1 anio que vengo diciendo lo mismo.
when? when will the wind of change come?
a one-week-change is no good.... i need a life time, a forever...
im crying because i long to hear the words youll never say.
i need you to show me that you love me, and to stop scolding me like a child everytime.
you are not a victim and u should know that.
i make mistakes, i know i do. everybody does but i jist....i just want to be loved. and for some reason i chose you. no. i know why i chose you. aside from the fact that i obviously felt attracted to you, i chose you because you were different, you respected me, you looked at me differently, like i was somethin' else, like i was worth fighting for, like i was a dream come true. i chose you because you showed me you knew how to treat me, you knew what i desserved, you though....this girl is special. and you know what? yes, i am, i totally am. and all those things you thought i desserved, i do desserve them. so what happened? what happened between that moment and now? you changed your mind? im still the same girl i used to be.
so i cry, i cry because i want you to look at me like you feel lucky to have me, grateful, like you love me so much that you dont even know how to say it any more because you tell me every single day and the words just feel small.
i let you inn, it was hard for me and you know it, but i did, i made an effort because i thought...gee...a guy like this...i dont know if ill find anotherone. i thought u were worth the risk. dont prove me wrong. i took the risk, i opened myself up to you, why cant you? and i dont mean just for once, one night, one day, a couple of hours or a few days. i mean forever, open yourself up to me, let me inn. i want to get to know the truth about you. i dont want to be guessing anymore, just show me.
You told me once that you trusted me, and that is hard for you to do, i know. But frankly sometimes it doesnt feel like you do. talk to me, tell me how you feel, look at me sincerily.
trust me
its ironic when ypu think about it, a month ago i was "posting to say i love you" i really did think you changed, it really seemed like you did, you were all loving and sweet. i read what i wrote to you that day. couldnt help the tears falling down. those were good times. you know you can bring them back if you wanted to.

god! i forgot about the new blog.....i hate it!!

dia de furia

que broinca que bronca que tengooooooooooooooooooo
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
nose porque este diaq es taaan chotooooooooooooooooooooooo
i hate today and i hate yesterdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
como odio perderme mi clase, ODIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
todo porq siempre me tienen q andar pidiendo favores. ok si puedo no tngo ningun problema, pero no podia, no podia, tenia mi hermosisima clase de spinning q hace 2 dias q no tnia y moria por ir. its what keeps me going, what gives me strngth and most importantly, its what makes me feel good. so no, i cant miss that class. and u made me. so i thought ok, maybe i can go to the one at 7.15 pm, its not the same, cuz of the teacher, but ill adjust. and then.....the stupid secretary at the ginecologist gave me the wrong recipe, but it was too late, i had already gone to the pharmacy, waited 15 minutes in line just to get to the front desk and have the guy tell me that it expired. I had to go back get a new recipe and back again to the pharmacy. So good bye to my 7.15 class, i even lost the 8.15 one.....not only that, we were supposed to go bowling....missed that too. so yesterday sucked, horribly sucked. but i thought, it doesnt matter, ill make it better tomorrow. clearly i didnt know that "tomorrow" (today) would suck just the same. Missed my localized class at 1 pm cuz i was baking cupcakes. The cupcakes came out horrible, i had to try the buttercream like a houndred times which makes it all worse. Now i cant get to the gym cuz i have french and then the girls are coming over and then i dint know, something with my bf i guess, maybe bowling, or maybe ill just miss that again, probably.
On top of aaaaaall that i tried on one of my bikinis cuz im leaving in a few days....god it looked hideous on me, im like a cow a horrible big fat cow.
its time to go to french...i dont feel like it. plus i dont even know where my notes are...
if i could only go to the gym id feel so much better.................

spicing things up

not sure i like it.....you like it? im in doubt.....i think i miss my old blog, im so attatched!

today's learning experience

So when your young, just a child, there's a phrase you'll hear much. Doesnt sound that big of a deal, but believe me, its a tool that will help you survive through life.

"learn from you'r mistakes"

Quite simple, hugh? I told you so, doesnt sound like much, but it is much it is a whole lot of much. The trick is in trying to find the lesson in your mistake. Then, apply it (for next time, of course, whats done is done. Remember, you can never go back.)

Once you've done that, try not to kill yourself for realizing you could have donde things right but you didnt.

You know what I mean? Done a mistake? feeling the anger, right? Yeah, I know the feeling, it sucks.
Shit! Fuck! God damn!!

unfinished sweetness

you're sweet. you're very sweet. but there is something missing...
you looking me in the eyes, thats whats missing.
an expression that says it all, your eyes, your eyes need to say it all when they meet mine.
So dont be scared, let your eyes meet mine
let your lips spell those three words out loud
tell me
tell me that you love me, say it with your eyes, say it with your voice
tell me

"I just called to say I love you"

I know I've mostly used this blog for cursing purpases, but every now and then i make an exception. Today is one of those days. They dont come very often, but they certainly are worth reading, because these posts are the real thing, they come from the goodness, from the love, from the pureness of my soul, from the bottom of my heart (god! thats corny..).
I just post to say "thank you". Thank you for all the effort you've been doing, but most of all, for the fact that i can see its not just an effort but you've changed, you have changed and become such a wonderful boyfriend. I love spending time with you, always did, but now its different, easier, more peaceful. Now i feel i can see better through you, clearer. I never doubted your feelings, its just that sometimes it was hard to see them, to see you, you were hiding. So thank you, thank you for being there for me, thank you for being sweet and understanding, caering and loving. Thank you for being you.
I just post to say I love you.

porque sere una persona tan sensata??
quisiera poder echar culpas, trato pero no lo hago,
porque en el fondo se que la culpa es mia, solo mia.
quisiera poder enojarme, pero no lo hago
se que debo enojarme, pero conmigo
porque sabre admitir mis errores?
porque no puedo echarle la culpa a alguien mas?
seria mas facil asi...

i want us to be ok

i want things to work out, why cant we be ok?
this is killing me...
it feels like we've broken up already..
and still i want things to work. i want things to work so badly...but...do you?
do you want us to work? do you?
do you even love me? do you?

"men might have discovered fire, but women know how to play with it"

I just loved that, isnt it great. My god i love Sex and the City such an amazing show, so....womanly! The conversations are outstandingly precise. We totally have all of those thoughts in our minds. I am telling you, for those men who still havent figured out women, just watch a couple of episodes and your good to go! And dont forget; we are all different.

wonderful weekend

great friday and amazing saturday. Nothing in particular, just sweetness in the air.
unlucky sunday....sunday bloody sunday, never fails
but....everybody is allowed to have a bad day, right?

the last couple of weeks i've been missing something,
something that has to do with my old conffident, my previous "person" my ex lover.
though many things were wrong,
many things didnt work,
and many of them never would have,
there's still one thing,
one very small but big thing that was outstandingly important for me.
And that was the way we could always comunicate.
no matter what i could always speack to you,
we would sit down for hours trying to solve a problem,
finding answers and solutions.
sleeping it off was never a option.
i long for that,
for having a boyfriend which i can actually talk to and get some feedback..

"Nobody said it was easy, nobody said it would be so hard"

Why? why does it have to be so darn complicated? is it a sign? does the universe not want us to be togather? does that even exist? fate? what is really fate? you mentioned it once, on one of your letters...that was a nice letter...i wonder what ever happened to those times...oh yeah right, time happened, or to be more precise, the absolute and complete lack of it. But you know what, its not only that, its not the lack of time, its what it does to you, how it affects you. You have lost your energy, your dessire for anything. Its like your new life has completely drained your soul. You're angry and moody all the time, and have lost interest in everything and anything. And then there is me. and us. I dont even know where I fit in...what part of you belongs to me? Is there even a part of you that belongs to me? your heart maybe? where is that, by the way? cuz i cant seem to find it...Where am I in you?

porque siempre me llora mas el ojo derecho que el izquierdo??

que curioso...
sometimes you're my prince and some other times....argh i just dont get it
i heard your voice mail today, it made me laugh. A feeling of warmth and happiness filled my soul. i called you with a big wide smile on my face.. but you....you were cold and distant. I cant seem to make you greet me with more than a "hello." and that single word, that one stupid sole word is slowly killing me. I stayed at home even though i was ready to go for a run. I thought you were on your way...but when you called again...with no more than a "hello." you were not here. I long for you to say more...its so simple but yet so impossibly hard for you to do.
Today sucks, today is a sucky day. i hate today.

what a dissappointment

thanks for the advice....reeeeeeeally helpful......

clueless

I am stuck. Stuck like a nail on the wall.
Ifeel trapped, like a body in a coffin six feet under.
I most deffinitely do not have the situation under control. i hate this feeling.
Everything is so perfect right now, why do i have to feel this way and completely ruin the perfectness??
i cant help but notice that i may not be on the right path. for me, at least.
some things fall back into place, like you. but others....others just dont feel so right.
what should i do?
it was foolish of me to believe that 10 minutes of thinking sitting on the ground watching the sea would make it all good. It takes more than 10 minutes damn it! why should i know at the age of 22 what i am supposed to do for the rest of my life?? what if im wrong? what if i choose wrong? what then??
i missed the finals and that should be a sign. i havent payed ever since november, there goes another sign. i didnt even call asking why the hell no mails came in...well that one i dont think its a sign...thats just good old fashioned me. But the point is i have lost interest....because i have no clue about what i want to do with this. where i wanna go. how i want to spend the rest of my days. i have no clue.

not a day has gone by that i didnt cry.
i wanna go home now
but we need to talk
i feel like i dont know u no more
u are resented
its a horrible feeling inside
though it hurts i must say it
though i know that in the end it isnt true,
i feel like u dont love the way you did before.
have u got any idea the pain this has caused me?
the last couple of days i felt like crap all the time
i dont feel important to you
like u almost dont care no more
i cant stop crying
i just wanna go home..

:(

im feeling down, sad and blue.
you're distant.
it feels like you somehow gave up on something, you gave up on trying
i feel like im paddeling on my own
im not gonna get far...in fact i'll just circle around..
i know, i left. but at least i try to make the best of it, you dont.
for a moment you did, but then...something changed you and suddenly you stopped
in fact it feels like you;re paddleing the wrong way, and you know it.
everything i like you take away...why??
it is so easy to make me happy, and yet you seem to be doing it all wrong
i open myself and what? i hit a dead end...

my prince

hello there, dont be scared, come out. Ive seen you before, i like you. Dont hide from me. Dont hide that charming prince, that sweetnes, tendernes which i fell in love with. I long for you. Please dont go, just stay, stay here with me. I love you

right now i need you
i need you to tell me "its ok"
i need you to tell me its not true
i need you to hold me in your arms
tell me im not that person
cuz right now its hard for me not to belive what i hear
tell me im good
tell me, please tell me im not that person
please.....

embarazosa culpa

es al;go de lo que nunca voy a poder zafar, cada vez q parece que ya esta, paso, zafe. BOOM! vuelve por alguna razon, y siempre con gente que nunca lo hizo y nos desprecia....ahy como asintir con la cabeza cuando el otro no sabe que soy una de ellos....por mas explicacion que le de jhamas lo entendera. Porque yo era asi tmbn, y no lo podia entender, nunca lo pude entender hasta que me paso. Asi es con todo. En fin, es un error que cometi, un error que me va a seguir a todos lados por siempre. que cagada!

what ever happened to those happy november days..?

tengo tantas ganas de romper algo,
sinembargo no me animo.
tengo tantas ganas de gritar
es ese nudo en la garganta que no me lo permite.
tengo tantas ganas de llorar,
pero las lagrimas no parecen querer brotar.

Otra vez un dia como hoy, como ayer y como antes de ayer.
Otra vez llueve, por dentro y por fuera.
Otra vez todo sale mal.
Otra vez me equivoco, otra vez me la agarro con aquello que no debo.
Otra vez te espero, aca, sola, con la puerta abierta, como si fueras a venir.
Pero esta vez hay algo distinto.
Esta vez te enojaste y no me hecho la culpa.
Esta vez me entristece la situacion, pero no me odio
Esta vez odio tu forma de ser, no me odio
Sinembargo no te odio
sinembargo no me enojo
esta vez nose realmente que sentir
eso si, siempre duele, siempre molesta siempre todo, todo junto, eso se siente, todo una mexclakjebflseirhbg;ewigb;ijdjdoasdnfjpbegboweghq8uti`kognevbpqyifc,lqvh7ge8gjtokp4wesdygregherhb[jwbgsw'bniwpgb'eo
qmrjngpiywervbpvouweihtng[2obtgwoirenb[oubtp[2om
qbao'

make that change

something's wrong with me...i cant tell what exactly though
its a strange wrongness...on one hand im doing great, but then....then everthing goes to hell and i just dont know why... its strange, but when im with you im happier than ever. you biring out the best of me, you really do. its something wonderful, you and me, we....we are something else, and im lovin every second of it, but then when you're gone, when im left alone....i dont know....everything sucks. i dont get that. this is not like me, i have a life, a life of my own, not just when im with someone, but my life, where things are about me, where i take care of mysel. suddenly its like i leave myself in your hands, but i cant do that, its not right, and not good for me, because you're not always arround (naturally). Maybe it also has to do with the end of my job. I felt i had my life organized...now...all this free time is killing me. not good, not good at all.
fix yourself honey, its you. you and no-one else. you'v got to stop it yourself, make that change.
i can only make this change

Earth Song

What about sunrise?
What about rain?
What about all the things
That you said we were to gain.. .
What about killing fields?
Is there a time?
What about all the things
That you said was yours and mine...
Did you ever stop to notice
All the blood we've shed before
Did you ever stop to notice
The crying Earth the weeping shores?

Aaaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaah

What have we done to the world?
Look what we've done
What about all the peace
That you pledge your only son...
What about flowering fields?
Is there a time?
What about all the dreams
That you said was yours and mine...
Did you ever stop to notice
All the children dead from war
Did you ever stop to notice
The crying Earth the weeping shores

Aaaaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaaah

I used to dream
I used to glance beyond the stars
Now I don't know where we are
Although I know we've drifted far

Aaaaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaaaah

Hey, what about yesterday?
(What about us)
What about the seas?
(What about us)
The heavens are falling down
(What about us)
I can't even breathe
(What about us)
What about the bleeding Earth?
(What about us)
Can't we feel its wounds?
(What about us)
What about nature's worth?
(ooo,ooo)
It's our planet's womb
(What about us)
What about animals?
(What about it)
We've turned kingdoms to dust
(What about us)
What about elephants ?
(What about us)
Have we lost their trust ?
(What about us)
What about crying whales?
(What about us)
We're ravaging the seas
(What about us)
What about forest trails?
(ooo, ooo)
Burnt despite our pleas
(What about us)
What about the holy land?
(What about it)
Torn apart by creed
(What about us)
What about the common man?
(What about us)
Can't we set him free
(What about us)
What about children dying?
(What about us)
Can't you hear them cry
(What about us)
Where did we go wrong ?
(ooo, ooo)
Someone tell me why
(What about us)
What about babies ?
(What about it)
What about the days?
(What about us)
What about all their joy?
(What about us)
What about the man ?
(What about us)
What about the crying man?
(What about us)
What about Abraham ?
(What was us)
What about death again?
(ooo, ooo)
Do we give a damn??

i love you i love u i love u =)

quiero estar bien, quiero que estemos bien
se que se puede, se que podes. Cuando lo estas, me haces muy feliz. Iwant that. Pero despues...despues no se sabe uqe extrana energia te posee y ya no me gusta. me entristece, me duele, me lastima...no quiero mas

una pobre ilusa

pobre ilusa
y como una pelotuda creyo q las cosas cambiarian
se creyo el cuento de hadas
pobre ilusa
llorando por los rincones
sorprendida como si no fuera de esperarse
y lo peor de la historia es q todavia suenia, todavia espera, todavia ilusiona

triste agotamiento

que tristeza tengo en mi corazon
(suena horriblemente cursi)
no es dolor, es tristeza
tristeza en su maxima expresion.
tambien siento impotencia, lo cual me trae bronca
aunque es una bronca particular
me gusta llamarla bronca fatigada
porque estoy tan cansada que ni puedo enfurecerme
ya no tengo energias para este tipo de cosas, para otras si pero para esto no
ya me agota. me agota mal. me quita energias y por consiguiente...ganas.
a veces nose lo que pensas, a veces nose que tan "en chiste" es lo q decis
a veces no te entiendo
a veces me irritas
a veces parece a proposito
es q ya ni lo pienso, se q lo es
a veces parece q no t importa
a veces creo q no valoras
a veces no me entendes
otras no me queres entender
muchas veces buscas excusas
no sirven.
a veces me lastimas
no lo hagas mas.
a veces pienso q algun dia ya no me va a doler lo q hagas
eso me preocupa
a veces sos irracional

nose q mas
hasta me canse d escribir esto

platos rotos

yo no tngo porque pagar los platos que no rompi
que cosa que me moleste mas que sufrir las consecuencias de los danos de otro.
yo no fui!
si no te la agarraste con quien debias y cuando debias.....JODETE porque MI culpa no es, yo no voy a pagar por los errores ni maldades de los demas
porque?? porque si, lo voy a decir asi nomas sin pelos en la lengua y sin humildad; soy un amor, soy una gran persona y no tengo maldad, es asi, no hay maldad en mi corazon, y me ligo lo que no debo. Yporque soy asi salgo perdiendo......y porque soy asi salgo perdiendo??????????? pero que es estoo???????? estamos toods looocos, esto es ridiculo. yo no hice nada para merecer mal tratos ni berrinches. todo lo contrario. la verdad es que con las que me he bancado desde que naci me merezco un monumento, y sinembargo me tngo que seguir bancando ridiculeces.
algo que me molesta rotundamente....hay tonitos que conmigo no van. pero cual es el problema? que tienden a pensar todos? y bueeeno, total es domi, domi se la banca, domi no dice nada, con domi esta todo bien, domi no se enoja, y si se enoja...le dura 10 minutos. Bueno, pero un buen dia, o no tan bueno, el enojo no va a ser reversible, ahi es cdo van a decir, que pelotudo que fui, porque no la habre valorado antes. a ver gente, no es muy jiodido, nadie entiende nada de la vida, es terrible. valoren a la gente que tienen al lado, TRATENLA BIEN, sean comprensibles! quien sabe lo que pueda llegar a pasarles?? tengan amor, tengan bondad, disfruten de la vida q es una sola!!! SOLO HOY ES 9 DE NOVIEMBRE DEL 2009, NUNCA MAS!!!!!!!! que hiciste por hoy? que hiciste por los demas?? que hiciste por vos??????????

i fucking hate my body

me duele me duele me duele
ur punnishing me, please stop
ur hurting me and u know
i didnt do anything wrong!!!!!!!!!!!

it kills me

every discussion takes away a bit of me
all beacause you dont know the effect you have on me
the sadness is invasive
not even the highest mountains can make it go away
the beatin of my heart....
this feeling....
es ensordecedor y desconcertante,
Im hurting
every time it gets worse
everytime is one more time
everytime it takes a piece of my
every piece that gets taken away is bigger and bigger
this needs to stop
or nothing but emptyness will remain
i dont want that to happen, i really dont
those ups and downs
i love you i hate id kill you
i cant do this
not like this no

It seems im an excellent listenner,
but here's what nobody knows
i have enormous difficulties opening myself to people
talking when i need to, asking for help
speacking outould when something is not right
i just cant
its so easy for me to hear someone else's problems,
to try and make it better for them, to give advice
(i dunno im stuck asiq ahi quedo)

my heart is aching
this feeling inside...
im worried
its not good

Boarding-Pass

que linda la palabra "boarding-pass" aaaahhhh....no es hermosa?? que bella sensacion, como me gusta oirla. boarding-pass. no me canso de escucharla. es increible lo que conlleva una simple palabra. boarding-pass. que placeer!

que bajon

que poca satisfaccion que siento con esto. que triste
que ganas de estar alla y no aca
que perdida de tiempo
que perdida de dia hoy! como me hubiese gustado estar ahi, pero no. im stuck here.
he tomado una decision...
ah no pera...
cambie
que dificil q es esto!
hay muchos pros y contras
que hacer?
la verdad q esta bien dificil..........

nudo en la garganta

fighting with you really brakes my heart, it kills me. and it annoys me too. me desgasta. sorry, couldnt find the word. i honestly feel you have things to say and instead you keep'em all to yourself. you never ever share anything with me. if you dont share with me, then who are you gonna share with hugh? its just me. im here. talk to me, i said this before, why do i have to repeat myself? talk to me. tell me, whatever it is you need to tell me, just do. dont make jokes, dont shout, just talk. dont feel ashamed, there is no reason to.

its funny how a couple of hours ago i was planning a totally different post. i was gonna name it "dreaming out loud". it was supposed to be about all of thosde things i dreamt ever since i was a little girl. those dreams that grew year by year, and got stronger each day. Untill one day my beautiful dreams got shatterd all at once. Honestly i never thought i could get them back. I just didnt belive in them any more. I wanted to, but i couldnt. Today i got a glimpse of them.

que bajon

me aburri
twice
3ra-----cero ganas
que bajon este sentimiento.....que bajon

a good girl

so i thought: ...maybe that fake tear was a taste of what would come...

i wanted to turn back time so badly...
im sorry. im sorry if i hurt you im sorry if i made u feel bad...
then i took a shower, a very hot and still refreshing shower. did me good, more than i thought.
and my ideas fell back into place.
i dont want to be the stupid crying little girl no more. the one that gets scolded at. nobody's gonna hurt me no more. nope, dont desserve it.
we all make mistakes. yes, thats the word, MISTAKE. theres no bad or evil in me, just human. thers no bad intentions or blackness in my heart.
im pure human with a touch of stupidity, thats all.

who are you?

its a strange feeling inside.
like i dont know you no more, like i lost you and you me.
it feels like you dont care, no more like you forgot...
we fell apart
your always out. out there somewhere, nowhere. or at least i dont know where, you dont even bother to say.
i think i liked you better before.

and by the way, you're not entitled to tell me what i should or shouldnt do. you lost that attribute when you forgot you had a doughter.

when you´re blue

yesterday i got the strange feeling you´ll break my heart someday.
now the ¨pain¨ is gone, but the thought remains.
something is not right.
something is not right with you, and i just wish you´d talk to me.
come to me, trust me.

se corta aca!

ha finalizado la estresante epoca de finales y me ha ido muy bien en todos. que gran alivio! sinembargo...
mi estado fisico actual ha excedido los limites permitidos...la situacion se fue de las manos por completo. No reconozco mi figura al sentarme...que es eso que se forma ahi? de donde demonios salio esa cosa doblosa??? yo no tngo esa cosa....yo no vengo con esa cosa....que desagrado....
de todas fotrmas i embrassed this, sabia que esto sucederia y le di pie, dije...ok....me chupa un huevo, es como debe ser en la epoca de estudio, es asi, no hay vuelta que darle. Ahora si, eso ya termino, hoy fue el ultimo final y ya esta, no mas comida engordosa, no mas ikosko vir, no mas kiosko!
volver, retomar
mi alimentacion, pilates, corridas y la nueva adquisicion, el gym!

si se puede! si se puede!

:o)

estoy contenta :)
smile :D
que lindo sos :)
gracias puchi :) :) :) :)

me pico

lo vi y me pico
estoy muy pero muy pero muy extremadamente feliz por vos, por ustedes, los quiero muchiiiiisiiimooo!!!!!!!!!
pero me pico...solo eso. me pico

los adoroo :)

Junio, el mes negro

(perdon...) que mes de mierda! no una, ni dos, ni tampoco tres,. sino cuatro, CUATRO, 4 muertes en menos de un mes....personales nacionales y mundiales...de todo tipo y color, venga y compre! no se quede sin la suya porque en Junio se subastan las muertes, cuantas quiere?? una? dos? cuatro? veintiocho??? hay de sobra, para repartir, el regalo perfecto.

el rey del pop, Michael Jackson....que tristeza....que gran perdida....
que curioso....es altamente probable que haya estado escuchando ¨billy jean¨ mientras te morias....o por ahi era ¨thriller¨....o era ¨beat it¨..? no puedo recordsarlo con claridad...pero te estaba escuchando, de eso estoy segura...

que cosa de locos....es de no creer.........

ni tiempo tuve para dedicarte un post
ni un solo post
esq todavia nose bien que decir..
no sabria que escribir,
nada parece ser correcto, adecuado..
es muy raro todo,
las cosas no parecen haber cambiado mucho
supongo que porque fueron cambiando desde hace rato y lentamnete
hace mucho que siento que te perdimos, los ultimos cinco o seis meses ya ni te reconocia..
no eras la misma..
te tenia a mi lado y pensaba lo mucho que te extranaba...
que buenos tiempos que vivimos en una epoca..
aunque admito quer durante un tiempo no te di bola, no te preste atencion, no estuve
te pase por adelante, con una mirada como queriendo pedir perdon
perdon por no darte la atencion que mereces
"manana, manana te prometo que si".
Ya sabia que esto iba a pasar, que me sentiria un tanto culpable por todas aquellas cosas que deje de hacer. Pero en el fondo se que tuvimos excelentes momentos y se que es mejor asi. Es por eso que no estoy tan mal, porque por un lado estoy contenta, contenta y tranquila. Se que dejaste de sufrir y se que estas mejor.
nop tengo una forma especia;l de terminar este post, no tengo unas palabras sabiasni especiales ni tampoco poeticas. De hecho no tngo mucho para decir

WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I DOING ALONE ON A SATURDAY NIGHT???????????????????

A to Z

when a word is not in your dictionary it is almost impossible to understand its meaning, you can try, but you'll never trully get it.

i dont know..

its like i dont learn anything
do i? really?
do i learn?
have i learned? from the past? really?
cuz sometimes it feels like i havent...

i really, really hate lonely friday and saturday nights...
eating by myself watching tv....

this is private, move along!

are you serious??? you have GOT to be kidding me!
need me! want me!

why the hell is it that i never get tired? why? why is it that i always want to be with. why? im starting to think there is something seriously wrong with me, cuz tired is just a word that is not included in my personal dictionary. it just doesnt exist.
its the third time, the third time people! so evidently my learning curve is unexistent...
everybody is tired every now and then, thats very normal, but somehow, i have this kind of endless energy when it comes to this. even though im tired, even though i had a terrible day, even though everything and anything i still want to be with you, spend time with you, i still have the energy. why dont you? (why not even one of you three?)

so no. tired doesnt exist for me, not at all.

another day of those

they seem to be comming quite frequently lately
bummer...
"poruqe viven en mi cabeza tantas cosas que nose como explicar a los demas?"
(si, eso es tuyo pn!! jejeje)
once again the sun has gone,
once again i look at the window and its dark already,
once again cookies disappared in the blink of an eye,
once again i find myself holding up the tear,
once again im conffused,
once again i dont know whats going on,
once again i dont know where to beggin,
once again i feel lost,
once again im down, down, down,
and i dont even know why
once again im disappointed,
of my own self

sing, shout, scream, cry
loud, louder, louder and louder, maybe someone will hear you dear

tell me that you love me

porque no me lo decis..? quiero que me lo digas, quiero que me lo digas
i need to hear it, tell me!
i know i know, i know that i know it, but its not enogh just knowing
i want to hear it, i want to hear you say the words
two words, just two simple words.
im waiting, thats why i stick arround all the time, im waiting
something strange happened and i didnt get my pink time, im waiting for it
im waiting for the madness,
impulses driven by unreasoned love and passion
where are they??
i didnt want this to happen on the first place, i thought i had nothing left to give,
turns out i have
so now i want this,
if you want it its here for you, but i need to know that you want it.
stop it with the childish thing,
we are not 16.
let me inn,
im here for you, if you'd just let me inn,
you say you feel that u can tell me anything, well please do
i dont see that u do,
end it with the shame,
because i love you,
and i know you do too,
so just say it.
you did, twice
but its not enough,
its never enough when it comes to love
so remind me,
remind me so that i dont forget,
remind me over and over again,
remind me always forever,
cuz ill love it every time.
follow your instincts,
follow your heart,
tell me that you love me.

a wondering soul

un dia menos
una perdida completa de tiempo
un kg mas
nothing got done today, nothing at all.

disaster

que desastre, horrible desastre, retroceso, como si no hubiese aprendido nada, como si no hubiese avanzado nada de nada....que bronca
y yo queria ser normal.....
asi no era, this is not the way.
not the way i was supposed to follow
not it at all
snap out of it!
wake up!!!
dont let it eat u up, dont let it consume u!!!
please....please i beg you, please....be strong....please....

fgxthskyuglp[plk

sometimes i love you
sometimes y sware to god i want to kill you
i know i may ask for too much, but i just wish you could always be nice and sweet and tender with me, when u tell me things like these ohh my goood i just want to run to your arms (corny!!) and kiss you and love you and feel loved. But then.....then u act differently.... i dont know maybe its all in my head....but still....

ya me la veo venir, lonely fridays again...mmm.....i know, i know im over reacting
pero cada vez el tiempo es menos. tengo miedo de volver a ser el ultimo orejon del tarro.
i need to come first, i need to be a priority, sino no me sirve.
a donde esta el momento rosa? i cant see it....it is supposed to be here by now...i want my pink start...everyone gets one, i want mine too!! its the best part and im not planning on skipping it!!

uy nose. bad mood.

sin, sin, sin

cai again
jajajaja me haces reir, te pensaste que era chiste? te pensaste quer era facil? ingenua
nobody said it was easy
in fact....they all said the opposite, oh but u thought u could handdle it all by your self. well guess what? you cant!! you fell again! boom!!!!! wakey wakey missy!!! sometimes you cant make it on your own. ring a bell?? no?? never heard??? fool!
something is eating you (or you are eating something, well...everything, thats more like it) dont shuv it all inn. What is it? what could it possibly be? think girl, think!

damn it! what is this???????
lo unico q me faltaba

i understand,
and im sorry, i really am,
but do u understand me? cuz...i dont think u do
i dont want to get mad, but u gotta understand
u cant talk to me that way,
and there are things, things that are beyond our little world
i dnt know anymore if im a great person, but at least i try to be
and this is what a considerate person would do
i cant just K.O. people along my way
there are feelings
others feelings that must be taken into account

SQrfgstyk[tlkfdhofgbkjfgnblkmfgibhcfk b vkjfxgoijrtnhkljgbioxfdtgpiwgiwrh\sergp
wtrh]erthertherthertherhdsfaWQEQERTWRYKTUI; AQW
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hkrihjrwejhiowrjgh=we0rjg[ionh]0rtjhurtoirtrerherherthrt

me irritas

te odio. me pones muy nerviosa, me sacas de quicio, y a mi NADIE me
saca, solo vos...bueno, vos y tu madre. siempre de quejaste de ella, y resulta que sos IGUAL! y encima pensas que no es asi...despertate!!! si es asi!!! siemre lo fue! venis con tus planteos ridiculos, completamente ridiculos. sos celosa, ni da lo q me dijiste, ni da el nivel de celos.
el mundo no gira alrededor mio, para nada, pero MI principal
preocupacion, HOY, soy yo. Si, yo. Yo, yo y mas yo. porque hace mucho
tiempo que no era asi. y me lo merezco, tal como me mereci mis 3 meses de vacaciones. que vos vivas en el infierno no significa que yo
tambien tenga que hacerlo. deberias estar feliz por mi. si es cierto, en estos 3 meses no te ayude...pero los pasados 21 años quee?!?!?!?!?!? siempre victima, ahy pobre ella, pobre....igual q la madre, muy fuerte pero siempre victima. si, yo ya se que tu situacion es una mierda, acaso sos mas feliz si yo vivo la mierda tambien?? no puedo disfrutar de mi vida??? ah nooooo claaaro, si vos estas mal, todos tenemos que estarlo, sino no vale.

mal humor como pocas veces en mi vida.

i wish you were a tiny little winny bit more.....more.......more....mmm...
mas...mas...
mas demostrativo
thats the word
its kinda hard when i tell u something and get no answer back......
id like some feedback
i know
but it doesnt cut it just knowing
tell me
tell me
i know
but i want u to tell me anyways

ahy

me duele

3 am

me fui al carajo, me fui al carajo, me fui al carajooooo
jajajajajajajjaja

esto es muy entretenidoo!!!

ok.....ahora me siento mal......
horrible, horrible feeling, i feel....i feel....dirty....i feel wrong....and unholly...unpure....i dont like that...not a tiny little bit.
i feel like i disgust you now....ok..maybe that was a little bit too much...but you dnt think the same way about me than u used to...that i dont like...

ah listo....soy un asco!
tengo escalofrios y me late el cuore

que cosa tan extraña..
eso es raro...

giro 180...
se fue todo al demonio...
que cagada
negative vibes come and go, i can feel it...

ouch
eso me dolio
esto termino mal, muy mal.....

inseguridad
me ataca la inseguridad
siempre es lo mismo...ahi viene...ahi viene...boom!...vino:
god!....u hate me....fuck...now he hates me...damn it..you must think im horrible, i disgust you, damn it i fucking disgust you. i hate this, i hate this. omg this sucks...this totally and completely sucks...oh! and "this" is nothing, wait untill u hear about the E.D....he's gonna run...u're gonna run...u hate me...damn it
great! now im a loonatic! neurotica...eso parezco
i feel bad...i dont like this...it hurts
estas desepcionado y eso me duele

ahora me siento menos, me siento menos y es injusto, porq no soy menos
no hice nada malo, no me gustaba y no queria, y si, si, fui una boluda por dejarlo pasar
pero no me hace menos, ni mala, ni whore

ah la mierda, q mal q me siento

q lo pario! venia todo tan bien............

searching for positive vibes

"I will find my way,
i can go the distance,
ill be there some day,
if i can be strong,
i know every mile will be worth my while,
i will go almost anywhere to feel like i belong"

maybe if i sing it out loud i can make myself belive

Disney broke my heart

"When you wish upon a star,
no matter who you are,
your dreams come true"

I am a dreamer, i wished upon thousands of millions of stars....but my dreams have not yet come true. So now I dream for you. For others happiness and wellbeing, seeing as my dreams never seem to find their way to coming true.

Visperas de San Valentin

3 a.m. en la madrugada de San Valentin. Feliz dia.
que curioso....nunca recibi ningun regalo para el dia de san valentin......y no hay nada que me guste mas que eso....una pabada, una tarjeta, una flor, un gesto....algo. no. nunca nada. jamas. y porque? porque no?? con lo mucho que me gustan esas pabadas....."como en las peliculas!" se....

interrupcion

que??????????????? jajaj ah naaaa, vos tas totalmente colgado de la palmera....ridiculo. lo tuyo no tiene desperdicio, igual te doy algo a favor, me sorprendes, posta que me sorprendes como nadie jaja me descolocas. que gracias que me haces dioss jajaja sin previo aviso...como un balde de agua fria. shockeante pero totalmente inofensivo.

si. me ofrecieron algo para San Valentin. (recien reciencito nomas) pero no lo que queria ni tampoco quien queria. todo bien, siempre bien poruqe yo soy asi. la mejor onda. pero olvidate. fue un desliz, pero hace rato que me recupere. you and me...not gonna happen ever again.

cuestion que no tengo regalo de san valentin y me molesta. hoy por hoy me conformo con un "feliz dia" eso me haria feliz (el dia...jajaj) por mensajito de texto por lo menos, todo bien, no me molesta, pero me gustaria recibir un "feliz dia"... pero...de quien?? LA pregunta.

el primero que lo manda gana

el primero que lo manda...gana???

it sucks to be me

im damaged and broken
i dont seem to be finding my goal and im hurting people in the way. i hate that. it makes me feel horrible, guilty, very guilty. i feel like a monster...me...evil evil thing. on top of that im scared. frightened; i dont want to be unhappy. what if i make the wrong decissions?? what if i end up like one of those poor old grumpy couples that used to be in love once upon a time and now just hate each other?? what if i get bored?? i easily get bored...i dont want to be bored...if u ask me...worse feeling: boredom. what if im unhappy?? god it sucks! it sucks so bad to be me...

"time is getting by and you dont get a second shot"

broken

im broken inside and i cant give anything. im damaged.

:)............... :(

it didnt last much....

"Killing Me"

Hello, tell me you know
That you've figured me out
Something gave it away
And it would be such a beautiful moment
To see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now
And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking
You know nothing'
Cause you and I, we go carrying on for hours on end
We get along much better than you and your boyfriend

Well all I really want to do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still cant say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, If it kills me
How long can I go on like this
Wishing to kiss you

Before I rightly explode
And this double life I lead isn't healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all
Baby, theres a lot that I miss
In case I'm wrong

All I really want to do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still cant say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, If it kills me

If I should be so bold
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand
Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man
But I never said a word I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again

Well all I really want to do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, If it kills me
I think it might kill me
And all I really want from you is to feel me
It's a feeling inside that keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, If it kills me
It might kill me

-Jason Mraz-

:)

i feel just fine
this time is for real
dont know how much longer itll last
cuz i have become a little tinny winny bit bitter
but im ok, for now
its just realistic.
but i like it
and i like "now"
now is good
now is fun
now is nice
i like now very much

one of those days

often i sit down and think of you for a while
i think of what we used to be
the way we used to smile
the way we used to play
and i still dont get it
how i burned down our ilusions
i came with my black ink and stained our little white world
so fragile, so perfect, so pure.
You forgave me,
and still you asked me if i had forgiven myself
how great are you!
Oh the images you must've built up in your mind...
it kills me to think that im to blame for the pain you felt
but its the truth, and i must live with it.
Today is one of those days
when i remind myself of what ive done
the moment i decided to cross the dividing line
from the simple human beings to the special ones
no longer am i a special one.
So the answer is no
i havent forgiven myself, i dont think i can.

Incasiable

Nothing is ever good enough for me
me canso rapido de todo
siempre quiero mas
quiero lo que no tengo
quiero lo de al lado
"the seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake"
nada me conforma
todo es poco
entonces quiero mas
mas
no es suficiente
mas, quiero mas
uya! me aburri
quiero otro
distinto
nuevo
todo nuevo
eso no lo tengo...lo quiero!
eso no lo vivi...lo quiero hacer!
pero no es capricho
no
de ninguna manera
no soy caprichosa, tengo fases nomas, como todo ser humano comun y silvestre
ah! pero yo no soy del monton comun
o como dice mi hermana...el "comunacho"
que desprecio
suena feo, muy feo
y sinembargo tengo el autoestima por el piso
que caso de escopeta!

Infeliz

Deberia estar desbordando de felicidad, pero no
hay algo q me tira abajo, no me deja respirar
que infeliz que soy por dios!
pensar que mi felicidad depende de eso...claro, como no voy a estar enferma!
"tenes el autoestima por el piso" dice el Dr. Nosecuanto
"tenes los estandares demasiado altos" dice la numerologa
Nada me llena, nada.
Si pudiera volver 2 meses atras lo haria en un abrir y cerrar de ojos
"que locura!" me dirian
pero no me importa, no me importa que era uno de los momentos mas complicados de mi vida, lo haria igual
sinembargo hoy tengo cosas buenas, nuevas y buenas
pero no puedo disfrutarlas con plenitud, quiero disfrutarlas pero no puedo


quiero ser feliz, quiero ser feliz y este cuerpo no me deja

dejame en paz
let me be
give back what you took from me and just leave
"leave now and never come back!" (if it worked for Smeagol it can work for me too, right?)
agonizo cada vez que me veo reflejada en vos
quiero que te vayas y me dejes en paz
me dejes disfrutar de lo que tengo hoy
no sera mucho pero me gusta
ademas lo que pido es poco, es muy poco (3, 4 tops)
necesito positivismo
lo puedo lograr, lo puedo lograr, lo puedo lograr, lo puedo lograr
como los pinguinos en contra del viento:
"pinguinos unidos jamas seran vencidos, pinguinos unidos jamas seran vencidos!"
como el trencito subiendo la montaña:
"(chu...chu..chu) si se puede! si se puede! si se puede! si se puede! (chuchuchuchuchu!!)"

si. efectivamente se puede. porque Nike y Adidas lo dijeron. sera falacia, pero que sirve, sirve