melancholy made its way in

before i start u should now that u dont disserve this. u dont desserve me talking about u, me dedicating a minute of my time thinking of u, and even less desserve a place in my blog (but then again, so many idiots have become part of it....)
im fine, im always fine, i hit raugh patches every now and then, but im always fine. but i just dont get it. i mean i do, and at the same time sometimes i dont. how insanely crazy does a person have to be??? seriously...! i have my things, i know, im not ordinary nor simple, but u my friend....oh....u are in a complete different level u have redifined crazyness...a whole new meaning!
i just really dont get it.
so many questions and still its like i cant really ask them, cant let them out there or something.
to be honest yes, i wanted to try, yes i had my doubts, yes things had changed, and yes u were not the one i thought you'd be. but still, i had to go, i had to try, we had to try
am i that disposable? that forgetable? i didnt think i was.....and no matter how idiotic or stupid a person can be i am the way i am, and i cant have one person dislike me, not even one who thinks they can dispose of me. even if the whole entire world loved me, my mind would be worried about that sole person who for some strange reason doesnt like me. talk about acceptation issues.........
i really would've tried, i wanted to. i thought it would be fun. dont really know if it would've worked out actually, but i deffinitely would have tried.
i think what we lived was amazing, the way we met was beyond crazy and romantic, and the story is just fabulous. Honestly i dont mind it being over, i mean its kind of "ohh.." but its fine. what i cant get around is the way it ended. not only i dont get it (i mean i get that u are a crazy fuck) but things just dont make sense, not at all. But then, of course things coming from a crazy fuck are bound not to make any sense at all....See, now that makes total sense. Its not that hard, u should try it some time, i mean putting sense into things. makes life a lot easier, believe me.
I think im out of things to say. For now at least.
I really wanted to go back to Russia.....oh well....