crying.....again

no quiero mas, no quiero llorar mas y hace 1 anio que vengo diciendo lo mismo.
when? when will the wind of change come?
a one-week-change is no good.... i need a life time, a forever...
im crying because i long to hear the words youll never say.
i need you to show me that you love me, and to stop scolding me like a child everytime.
you are not a victim and u should know that.
i make mistakes, i know i do. everybody does but i jist....i just want to be loved. and for some reason i chose you. no. i know why i chose you. aside from the fact that i obviously felt attracted to you, i chose you because you were different, you respected me, you looked at me differently, like i was somethin' else, like i was worth fighting for, like i was a dream come true. i chose you because you showed me you knew how to treat me, you knew what i desserved, you though....this girl is special. and you know what? yes, i am, i totally am. and all those things you thought i desserved, i do desserve them. so what happened? what happened between that moment and now? you changed your mind? im still the same girl i used to be.
so i cry, i cry because i want you to look at me like you feel lucky to have me, grateful, like you love me so much that you dont even know how to say it any more because you tell me every single day and the words just feel small.
i let you inn, it was hard for me and you know it, but i did, i made an effort because i thought...gee...a guy like this...i dont know if ill find anotherone. i thought u were worth the risk. dont prove me wrong. i took the risk, i opened myself up to you, why cant you? and i dont mean just for once, one night, one day, a couple of hours or a few days. i mean forever, open yourself up to me, let me inn. i want to get to know the truth about you. i dont want to be guessing anymore, just show me.
You told me once that you trusted me, and that is hard for you to do, i know. But frankly sometimes it doesnt feel like you do. talk to me, tell me how you feel, look at me sincerily.
trust me
its ironic when ypu think about it, a month ago i was "posting to say i love you" i really did think you changed, it really seemed like you did, you were all loving and sweet. i read what i wrote to you that day. couldnt help the tears falling down. those were good times. you know you can bring them back if you wanted to.

god! i forgot about the new blog.....i hate it!!

dia de furia

que broinca que bronca que tengooooooooooooooooooo
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
nose porque este diaq es taaan chotooooooooooooooooooooooo
i hate today and i hate yesterdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
como odio perderme mi clase, ODIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
todo porq siempre me tienen q andar pidiendo favores. ok si puedo no tngo ningun problema, pero no podia, no podia, tenia mi hermosisima clase de spinning q hace 2 dias q no tnia y moria por ir. its what keeps me going, what gives me strngth and most importantly, its what makes me feel good. so no, i cant miss that class. and u made me. so i thought ok, maybe i can go to the one at 7.15 pm, its not the same, cuz of the teacher, but ill adjust. and then.....the stupid secretary at the ginecologist gave me the wrong recipe, but it was too late, i had already gone to the pharmacy, waited 15 minutes in line just to get to the front desk and have the guy tell me that it expired. I had to go back get a new recipe and back again to the pharmacy. So good bye to my 7.15 class, i even lost the 8.15 one.....not only that, we were supposed to go bowling....missed that too. so yesterday sucked, horribly sucked. but i thought, it doesnt matter, ill make it better tomorrow. clearly i didnt know that "tomorrow" (today) would suck just the same. Missed my localized class at 1 pm cuz i was baking cupcakes. The cupcakes came out horrible, i had to try the buttercream like a houndred times which makes it all worse. Now i cant get to the gym cuz i have french and then the girls are coming over and then i dint know, something with my bf i guess, maybe bowling, or maybe ill just miss that again, probably.
On top of aaaaaall that i tried on one of my bikinis cuz im leaving in a few days....god it looked hideous on me, im like a cow a horrible big fat cow.
its time to go to french...i dont feel like it. plus i dont even know where my notes are...
if i could only go to the gym id feel so much better.................

spicing things up

not sure i like it.....you like it? im in doubt.....i think i miss my old blog, im so attatched!

today's learning experience

So when your young, just a child, there's a phrase you'll hear much. Doesnt sound that big of a deal, but believe me, its a tool that will help you survive through life.

"learn from you'r mistakes"

Quite simple, hugh? I told you so, doesnt sound like much, but it is much it is a whole lot of much. The trick is in trying to find the lesson in your mistake. Then, apply it (for next time, of course, whats done is done. Remember, you can never go back.)

Once you've done that, try not to kill yourself for realizing you could have donde things right but you didnt.

You know what I mean? Done a mistake? feeling the anger, right? Yeah, I know the feeling, it sucks.
Shit! Fuck! God damn!!

unfinished sweetness

you're sweet. you're very sweet. but there is something missing...
you looking me in the eyes, thats whats missing.
an expression that says it all, your eyes, your eyes need to say it all when they meet mine.
So dont be scared, let your eyes meet mine
let your lips spell those three words out loud
tell me
tell me that you love me, say it with your eyes, say it with your voice
tell me