Underestimated feelings

To say that I am heartbroken would be an understatement. There is no way of measuring the level of disappointment I am feeling...its all so very sad. I am so let down I cant even begin to explain it. That would mean I am mad, furious, angry, raging with fury...and yet, that does not seem to be the case. As opposed to these logical feelings what I am really is sad. Stupidly and unreasonably sad.
Last night I couldn't sleep thinking about all this, it was like the hole in my heart kept me awake, as if I couldn't be absolved of the suffering. I tossed and turned a million times until I gave. I gave to sorrow, I gave to grief and the pain. I started going over his pictures and his ex girlfriend's...and them together, feeding this aching pain and punishing myself for what had happened. For being a part of their breakup and at the same time convincing myself that they were perfect together and I had no place there, nor ever really did. It had all just been a fantasy, a dream, and I was the rebound girl once more. "Look at her" I thoughtAs I walked across the room listening to Adele's "Someone Like You" song, these thoughts crushed me to the floor crying like a little girl. Next to me was the laundry basket where I knew I had threw in the very bottom the T-shirts he had left for me, I pulled one out and held it against my chest while I sobbed. I sobbed and held that shirt as if I had lost a child, the tears wouldn't stop coming as Adele's words reverberated in my head:

"Never mind I'll find someone like you, 
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you saidSometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"

I cried myself to sleep that night, still holding his T-shirt tight, pretending he was next to me and telling me everything would be alright