Desire

no one really knows what desire is. i mean...its not just when you want somethin really bad...its more than that...its unexplicable. its some strange feeling burning in your insides, making you feel really weird stuff, and think 24/7 about it, imagine unreal situations, dreaming about it, that you own it, what you would if youd own it, how good it makes you feel just by thinking that you OWN your desire. Yeah, yeah all of that is really great and interseting, but lets just cut the crap and go straight to the truth. well mates, im sorry to tell ya the truth is that one really desires what one can not have, what one can not call their OWN.
BUT, this doesnt end here..hahaha ooh no. Once you get what you desired you suddenly realize that...oops! i dont want it any more...sorry! =D
Oh well...whats there to do...shit happens...although my shit didnt quite happen yet...im just ahead of the situation...u know..."just in case", right?

conclusiones

me tienen podrida...ya no se que pensar...ya no se que concluir...esto no tiene sentido...nada lo tiene. cada vez q saco una conclusion estoy feliz...porque porfin tengo todo bajo control...pero no...las cosas no son siempre tan simples (diria nunca...pero no hay q decir "nunca" ni "siempre" ya q no lleva a ningun lado el ser extremista...solo a nuestros propios errores) cuando te creiste que habias cerrado un capitulo con una conclusion al tema dejando todo perfectamente claro...BOOM! empiezan a saltar excepciones de todas partes asi rompienmdo la conclusion que habias sacado...dejandote en medio de grandes dudas..aun peor que como estabas antes....Lo unico que se es que no se pueden sacar conclusiones acerca de la vida, poruqe todas las situaciones son y seran diferentes y no hay un trend o pattern. Solo hay hilos sueltos que no se pueden unir, cada uno significa algo...solo que hay que tener cuidado de no dejarlos demasado de lado...o tomarlos demasiado enserio...

its damn fuckin over!

its over. i finally got SICK! you make me sick! i dont even wanna talk about it. im over this. the problem is...why the hell do i keep on bumpin into stupid people that drag me away from my goal and make me loose my freackin time in stupidity!! stupid mothefuckas!!!! great! now you pissed me off! nice job you fuckin piece of shit!!!

(written while watching bad boys II)

understand

i wish i knew. if only for a couple of minutes i could see, hear whats going inside of you...if you could only let me inn. let me inn. so that i can get to you. dont get me wrong, its not because of you, its not for you, its for me. im the one who needs to know, im the one. dont you see? no...of course you dont.. but if you could only help me understand you. dont you see? it all would be so much clear, so much easier...but i guess not. i guess its easier for you just to turn your back and run away...just leave...i wonder why is it always me that has to watch people walk away..."dont look back, dont look back" the voice in my head keeps on going...but somehow i manage to be deaf...would it be true? that we, on our twisted little way, need to suffer in some point? we feel the need of pain?
i dont know, and honestly, i dont think ill ever know, the only certain thing is that we are extremely strange creatures, and very few of us think before acting, and even less care.

por que sera?

por que sera que siempre que tengo ropa nueva los perros me saltan encima?
por que sera que cada vez que esta la luz apagada hay un mueble en el medio de la habitacion para que me choque?
por que la computadora no anda JUSTO cuando tenia que hacer un trabajo?
por que cada vez que quiero hacer dieta la casa esta llena de chocolates?
por que cada vez que tengo un programa copado se me arruina?
por que me quedare siempre sin el pan y sin la torta?
por que siempre pierdo el colectivo o el tren?
por que siempre tropiezo frente a "el"?
por que sera que siempre pierdo ESO que no tenia que perder?
por que sera que nunca se que ponerme y siempre termino igual?
por que sera que cada vez que salgo de la ducha no hay toalla?
por que sera que cada vez que quiero encontrar a un culpable...no lo hay?
por que sera que sos como sos?
por que sera que siempre siento que el universo esta en contra mio? acaso sera mi imaginacion?
Deja, yo me respondo: si domi...es tu imaginacion y la de 1.000.000.000 de personas mas...
entonces te pregunto...como es que somos tan iguales y tan distintos a la vez? como???

Tears and rain...

How I wish I could surrender my soul; Shed the clothes that become my skin; See the liar that burns within my needing. How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold. How I wish I had screamed out loud, Instead I've found no meaning. I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain, All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble. Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray. I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble. It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain. How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind; Hold memory close at hand, Help me understand the years. How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell. How I wish I would save my soul. I'm so cold from fear. I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain, All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble. Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray. I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble. Far, far away; find comfort in pain. All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble. It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
- James Blunt -

Goodbye my lover...

Did I disappoint you or let you down?Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.So I took what's mine by eternal right.Took your soul out into the night.It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care.You touched my heart you touched my soul.You changed my life and all my goals.And love is blind and that I knew when,My heart was blinded by you.I've kissed your lips and held your hand.Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you.Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.You have been the one.You have been the one for me. I am a dreamer and when i wake, You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me, Remember us and all we used to be, I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.I've watched you sleeping for a while. I'd be the father of your child. I'd spend a lifetime with you. I know your fears and you know mine.We've had our doubts but now we're fine, And I love you, I swear that's true. I cannot live without you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend.You have been the one.You have been the one for me.And I still hold your hand in mine.In mine when I'm asleep.And I will bare my soul in time,When I'm kneeling at your feet. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend.You have been the one.You have been the one for me.I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
- James Blunt -

a little too much...pero a veces necesitamos exagerar la melancolia y asi sentirnos mejor, no? por menos sentido que tenga...de alguna extraña manera es asi...de no serlo, no seriamos tan impulsivos...al decir o hacer cosas que por ahi no sentimos...o solo creiamos que sentiamos...no lo se...yo solo soy otra persona en el mundo que trata de decifrarnos...thats all.

amor pinguino

sabian que los pinguinos eligen una pareja y se quedan con esa por el resto de sus vidas? se protejen, se cuidan, se acompañan, se quedan juntos pase lo que pase, y si se pireden, hacen lo imposible para volverse a encontrar. no se abandonan, no engañan, no esconden, no mienten. se aman? la verdad no sabria decirlo...puede ser...como no...instinto? porque? que clase de instinto seria? no lo creo, me gusta pensar que se quieren, a su manera. no se si se llamara amor...acaso tendra otra palabra en el idioma pinguino? la verdad...no creo que importe, el sentimineto existe, y eso es lo que importa, no?
Asi se suponia que debia ser todo, asi se suponia que debiamos ser nosotros...en algunos el obgetivo si8gue en pie...pero no somos pinguinos, nos equivocamos, lo cual esta bien...pero otras veces parece q nos equivocaramos a proposito, o no? Anticipamos el horrible desastre que nuestras acciones causaran, y sinembargo...actuamos igual.
De todas formas...porque estaremos tan obstinados por encontrar a nuestro pinguino? Porque sera que nos sentimos completos asi y solo asi? No deberia ser tan importante....aunque lo veas por donde lo veas...seas quien seas...o sientas como sientas...lo es. Siempre lo fue. Siempre lo sera.
Ahora mi pregunta es oh gran señor del universo quien quiera que seas y donde quiera que te encuentres...acaso puedes decirnos que todos tenedremos a nuestro pinguino?